Choice, Pleasure, & Function
Last week, I had the opportunity to watch the Broadway touring company show &Juliet. It’s a Jukebox musical retelling of the Romeo and Juliet story. It was lighthearted and fun. The actors were talented, the production was top quality and overall, I had a good time. However, there was an underlying message through the play that bothered me… and so, the inspiration for an article began.
Throughout the play, there was a theme about choice vs destiny (which is not uncommon in a lot of shows today). At one point, one the characters said something to the effect of “I just want Juliet to be the one to make the choice – not to have the choice thrust on her like it’s her destiny.”
Having studied motivation intensely for the last two years, I easily recalled my many different professors alluding to the fact that we will defend our right to choose stronger than anything else. For instance, learning to honor someone else’s choices is a fundamental skill for a good coach. As soon as someone feels pushed in a direction (even if the direction is a good one), they will most likely resist just to prove they have a choice in the matter. (If you want to read more about the power of choice, check out my article here)
So, seeing a theme that emphasized choice wasn’t surprising. However, as the story unfolded, they had Juliet and other characters prove that they had choice by being allowed to pursue whatever “felt good.”
Here’s the kicker, the pursuit of “feeling good” (also known as the pursuit of pleasure, also known as hedonism) doesn’t actually lead to lasting happiness – or in storybook words, “happily ever after.” In fact, the pursuit of pleasure is the core ingredient for languishing. (See Corey Keyes’ book by the same title. You can also read my article on it here).
Let me explain. When we get a hit of “feeling good” from an action or a circumstance, we will need more of that stimulus to reach the same high that we got the first time. It literally is not sustainable because your body adapts to those feelings. So, as you chase that high, you add more and more stimulus to try and keep reaching it. Additionally, “feeling good” is based on pursuing emotions and emotions are notoriously short lived. You cannot sustain any one feeling for more than a few hours (and even that is stretching it.) This is because emotions are reactive. Meaning, in order for an emotion to flood us, we need a trigger for them. Also, once triggered, emotions often feel urgent and overpowering. Because they feel urgent and overpowering, they can push us toward action even if action isn’t actually needed in that moment.
Ironically, choosing to pursue always feeling good is actually a lazy way of enacting your power of choice because you’re choosing to lean into a reaction – not an action… a reaction. See the difference? A better way to use your power of choice, as recommended by Corey Keyes, is in the pursuit of functioning well.
Functioning well has feeling good within it, but that isn’t the only priority. With functioning well, there will be times you’ll make harder choices that may be uncomfortable but provide a better long-term outcome. Think, for instance, of exercise. I’m not at the point that running actually feels good in the moment. However, I love to go running because of the multitude of benefits it has for my body. At times, sacrificing a want or a need has a much better long-term result for yourself and for society. This is a much harder choice to make though because your emotional reactivity may be triggering you in a different direction. If you use your power of choice to check in with your reactions first to see if they really are moving you in the direction you want to go then honestly, you’re flexing a much stronger power of choice. It is now an agent of change not just a reactive response. (You can read more about emotional intelligence in my article here).
So, keep a watchful eye out. You’ll see the message of “follow what feels good when it feels good” in many different forms. In this play it was clothed so glamorously. There was literally a surprise dress change that resulted in a flair of sequins, fireworks, confetti canons, and a powerhouse solo. The music was catchy, the jokes clever and the characters loveable. It could be easy to believe that this was a showcase of lasting happiness. However, I believe if we were to meet these characters several years from now, I think that they’d have a different story to tell. (At least this is what the science suggests 😉)
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you flex your power of choice in healthy disciplines this week.