Different Forms of Resistance
Last week, I lost my voice. Considering I’m actively building a speaker practice, losing my voice is a pretty big setback. Literally, I need it to do my work. I’ve also been a voice teacher for more than 15 years and so I’ve always taken pride in my ability to care for my instrument. And yet, sometimes, things are out of our control. Between two illnesses and a mountain fire outside my home, my vocal cords couldn’t compete.
In the past, this would have been devastating to me. I had to cancel a podcast appearance for instance, and in the past, I would have fixated on this meaning my momentum and trajectory were being stunted. I’ve been haunted by the phrase, “if you’re not growing, you’re dying!” and I always took it to mean, if you’re not moving, you’re dying. So, this usually resulted in me either finding ways to push harder or spiraling into some sort of emotional meltdown.
But growth and movement are not the same thing.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about different forms of resistance. I’ve always been one of those people who if you tell me that I can’t do something, I almost automatically want to try and do it just to prove you wrong. I love a good challenge. However, I’ve been really good at pushing that too far and taking on challenges that don’t need to be taken on. This has been a root of a lot of unnecessary stress and a lot of unnecessary resistance in my life.
However, not all forms of resistance are bad. For instance, in order to grow, we do need to take on things that challenge us. We all know that if you want to build muscle, you can lift weights. Lifting weights creates little micro-tears in your muscles that your body will then build back stronger. Without the increased resistance from the weight, your muscles will not grow.
So, it’s not just about pushing or not pushing. It’s about balancing when to push and when to allow. When it comes to physical capability, it’s a little easier to measure when you’re challenging yourself enough to grow but not pushing so hard that you get injured. However, measuring this for your mentality or even your potential is much more difficult.
As a woman of faith, I grapple with this quite a bit. I believe God places in me in situations that I may not be fully qualified for so that I may grow. I also believe that He doesn’t want me to always be in situations I’m not qualified for because it would be harmful to my ability to grow. Finding that balance and feeling aligned in that trajectory takes faith and constant checking in.
I’ve seen this most clearly in my professional life.
When I started Virtual Crown, I knew it was what I was supposed to be doing. This level of purpose grounded me while I was being stretched and grown. Even when I closed that business, I knew then it was the right thing to do, and I felt a lot of peace in the journey we had taken.
Fast forward to almost a year and a half ago and you would see me spiraling with worry about what I was supposed to be doing next. I was so worried about not having a clear path forward that I found myself pushing toward any path that I thought would rationally make sense. Unfortunately, being driven by fear and scarcity, I made the worst business decision I’ve ever made. Along the way to that decision, I was met with many forms of resistance, but I kept pushing onward anyway. My inability to tolerate the uncertainty made me blind to many warning signs. Instead of seeing the resistance in that situation for what it was, I chose to prove I was strong and used my problem-solving skills to find loopholes wherever I could to move the decision forward. Although I got the initial win, the overall results have been disastrous.
So here I am, sitting on the precipice of another business and am once again trying to assess the different types of resistance I am feeling.
It could be easy for me to jump back into feeling scared. Losing my voice? It must be a sign!! Abort! But that would be taking things out of context. You see, even with losing my voice, I’ve had 4 new speaking opportunities arise this week – one of which is a former group asking me to come speak again. I’m learning to trust that my message is speaking, even if my voice has no volume. Overall, there has been much more forward progression than there has been resistance.
Even more so, I have a grounded feeling of purpose again. Having this becomes a foundation that I can rest on—and for me, that’s a big deal. I’ve got an Achilles heel—I usually want things to move faster than they do. This experience is showing me that I am getting better at trusting things to move at a natural pace – and I’ve learned that a natural pace is a sustainable pace.
When you’re headed in the right direction, you won’t need to be the only person dragging things along for anything to get done or to move forward. There will be momentum from others as well. If you find yourself as the only one pushing things along, you’ve got more resistance there than it’s worth.
I’ve too often used capability as my only measure for doing something. There are all sorts of things I’m capable of that I know are not a good fit for me in my life right now. So instead of simply asking if I’m capable of doing something, I’m getting better at clarifying my current purpose first (knowing it may change with the seasons of my life). Then, as I begin moving in that direction, I look for things that show me I’m gaining true momentum—not just movement—and I check that it’s not just coming from me. I know that setbacks are expected, but they shouldn’t be constant. If they’re constant, there’s nothing wrong with taking time to re-evaluate and see if you should be headed in a different direction.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you’re feeling positive momentum and if not, that you’re using resistance as a good chance to check in with your needs and values at this time.